This blog comes from Oxford academic June Girvin, who shares her experiences of the menopause, the taboo and the information gap.

Page last updated 25 April 2022.

A message to readers from June Girvin, July 2020:

To all you lovely women who have commented on this blog – THANK YOU.

When I wrote this in 2015, I had no idea it would still be being read and resonating with women 5 years later. I also spent quite a while making my mind up whether to share such a personal experience. I am so glad I did – if knowing that you are not alone has helped just one other woman, just one little bit, then it is so worthwhile. And to see so many of you posting and talking to each other about your experiences and supporting each other is a joy. I hope all of you find your way through, with or without medical help. Good luck.

Everything I needed to know about the menopause… No One Told Me

I think my lived experience of the ‘last taboo’ or the ‘Big M’ (thankfully one rarely hears it called ‘THE CHANGE’ anymore with all its doom-laden, metamorphic overtones) might be useful out there in the ether where women are searching for something that relates to their own experience.

I am post-menopause. I am out the other side. I have become the Crone, the Wise Woman. I prefer the latter for obvious reasons. My last period (unless there is just one more lurking in there to surprise me) was about eighteen months ago and that was two years after what I would call my ‘regular’ periods stopped. And it’s only within the last six months or so that some of the more common symptoms of menopause have begun to subside. I still get night sweats for instance, and occasional flushes during the day. No one told me that I would still sometimes feel menopausal, post menopause. And that’s why I agreed to write this, because No One Told Me.

Like every woman, I had a general idea of what to expect from being menopausal. Hot flushes, irregular periods, moodiness. These are the symptoms most commonly discussed when you do a general search, or read about menopause in women’s magazines – which, incidentally, I suspect are a major source of information for a lot of women. What I didn’t realize, or read about, was how disruptive, intense and severe some of these symptoms can be. I know that not everyone has a really bad time, but from speaking with friends and colleagues (those who were prepared to talk in any detail – some were in a state of definite denial about it all, some embarrassed to talk detail). There is some real suffering out there, and mostly in silence.

I wasn’t expecting this…

For instance, the hot flushes and night sweats didn’t really bother me. The development of severe migraine that disabled me for 24 hours at least once a fortnight did. I was expecting irregular, heavier periods. I wasn’t expecting to bleed three weeks out of four, or to have such excruciating period pain that I was given IM Pethidine by a sympathetic GP.

I wasn’t expecting bouts of dizziness and nausea requiring me to lie down for an hour at random times of the day. I was expecting to feel a bit tearful, a bit snappy. I wasn’t expecting to be completely out of control of my emotions. Crying at criticism, at imagined slights, at the television for God’s sake. Or being angry and sharp, irrationally boiling with rage over really small things. Being within a hair’s breadth of walking out of work, of leaving home and twelve hours later thinking ‘What on earth, was that all about?’ It was about peri-menopause.

No One Told Me it could be like that.

No one warned me that these symptoms might be severe and intense so that I could recognize and work through those times to minimize the disruption to me, my colleagues, my family, my work. And then there were the myriad of other relatively minor things – forgetfulness, poor concentration, weight gain (and how it just creeps on…and creeps on…and creeps on), forgetting what I wanted to say mid-sentence, aches and pains, fatigue. There really is a seemingly endless list.

The search for reliable information

The problem for me was that I couldn’t find anything that helped me to decide on what might help. I thought HRT wasn’t an option for me because of the migraines and looking for alternatives was fraught with marketing claims and counterclaims, hearsay and opinion.

I scoured bookshop shelves for information that was sensible, informed (perhaps even evidence-based) and accessible. There were books on ‘women’s health’ that included it as a section – usually a short and not very detailed section. One had a bibliography, there were rarely any references. In magazines and on web forums there were people enthusing about wild yams, black cohosh and red clover. In health food shops I felt like I was a marketing person’s dream – slightly desperate, willing to try anything and unable to discriminate.

As someone working in an academic environment, I knew about Cochrane and that its reviews and websites are an excellent source of reliable and evidence-based information. I hoped they might be able to discriminate for me. I looked for the literature, but there isn’t a lot and what’s available is mostly geared around HRT, physiologically oriented and clearly aimed at medical scientists or clinicians. There was not much by way of good literature on effective alternative approaches to managing menopausal symptoms. For women for whom HRT is not an option, the temptation to spend an awful lot of money on products that, at best, have a marginal effect, is huge. If menopausal symptoms are severe then you really do want to believe that something will help – however wild it may seem. There are Cochrane Reviews Cochrane Reviews are systematic reviews. In systematic reviews we search for and summarize studies that answer a specific research question (e.g. is paracetamol effective and safe for treating back pain?). The studies are identified, assessed, and summarized by using a systematic and predefined approach. They inform recommendations for healthcare and research. – Acupuncture for menopausal hot flushes (poor evidence), Phytoestrogens for vasomotor menopausal symptoms (poor evidence) and Black cohosh (Cimicifuga spp.) for menopausal symptom s (poor evidence), for example. There is just not enough that is easily accessible to most women on which to base good, well-informed decisions. But all is not lost.

Useful resources on menopause

There was one book that was detailed and helpful and that was Miriam Stoppard’s ‘Menopause: The Complete Guide to Maintaining Health and Well-being and Managing Your Life’ . It was, at the time, and in the bookshops I was looking in (high street), the only one that seemed based on real experience, was written by a female doctor who had clearly been there, and was evidenced-based. I’ve just looked up the latest edition, and it is better than ever. I would recommend it wholeheartedly. It gave me a context to see my own symptoms in, was clear about where possible therapies were evidence-based and where they were not, and was accessibly and confidently written.

I’m also now aware of work being done by the Health Experiences Research Group which has produced much of the material for the healthtalk site , which includes films of women talking about their experience of menopause. You can also find the healthtalk section on Menopause here and it’s terrific. If only I had been able to access it, it would have saved me a lot of worry and uncertainty, and stopped me thinking that I had become a wild, emotionally unstable woman forever!

So, from a three-way conversation on social media, to disclosing my very personal experiences on this blog, I hope to be doing my bit to demolish the ‘last taboo’. I’m a bright, highly successful woman, a senior leader in my field. It’s probably a risk A way of expressing the chance of an event taking place, expressed as the number of events divided by the total number of observations or people. It can be stated as ‘the chance of falling were one in four’ (1/4 = 25%). This measure is good no matter the incidence of events i.e. common or infrequent. for me to talk about this, even though it’s in the past. A difficult menopause tested my confidence, my work, my emotional and personal life – but I’m out the other side and feeling good. I hope this resonates with some other menopausal women – and I hope it encourages more research and more sharing of the experiences.

June Girvin has nothing to disclose.

References:

Stoppard M. Menopause: the complete guide to maintaining health and well-being and managing your life. Revised edition. London: Dorling Kindersley; 2001.

Lethaby A, Marjoribanks J, Kronenberg F, Roberts H, Eden J, Brown J. Phytoestrogens for menopausal vasomotor symptoms. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews In systematic reviews we search for and summarize studies that answer a specific research question (e.g. is paracetamol effective and safe for treating back pain?). The studies are identified, assessed, and summarized by using a systematic and predefined approach. They inform recommendations for healthcare and research. 2013, Issue 12. Art. No.: CD001395. DOI: 10.1002/14651858.CD001395.pub4.

Dodin S, Blanchet C, Marc I, Ernst E, Wu T, Vaillancourt C, Paquette J, Maunsell E. Acupuncture for menopausal hot flushes. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews 2013, Issue 7. Art. No.: CD007410. DOI: 10.1002/14651858.CD007410.pub2.

Leach MJ, Moore V. Black cohosh (Cimicifuga spp.) for menopausal symptoms. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews 2012, Issue 9. Art. No.: CD007244. DOI: 10.1002/14651858.CD007244.pub2.

• #MenopauseWeek
• Cochrane Menstrual Disorders and Subfertility Group
• complementary therapies
• employment
• lifestyle
• menopause

Following a successful career in the NHS June joined Oxford Brookes in 2001 as Deputy Head of the School of Health and Social Care. She became acting Dean in 2002 and was appointed as Dean in 2004. In June 2010 she was appointed as Pro Vice Chancellor (Development and Alumni Relations) and Executive Dean of the restructured Faculty of Health and Life Sciences. June was awarded professorial title from Oxford Brookes in February 2015 in recognition of her professional achievements and academic leadership. June qualified as a Registered General Nurse in 1976 from the Queen Elizabeth School of Nursing, Birmingham and maintains her registration as a nurse with the Nursing and Midwifery Council. She holds a Masters Degree from Cardiff University College of Medicine, and a Postgraduate Diploma in Management Studies (with Distinction). June published extensively in the nineteen nineties on management and leadership and her book "Leadership and Nursing" (1998) is currently being revised. She believes strongly in the benefits of coaching for leadership development and personally coaches two clients per year. She is a mentor and role model for the Higher Education Leadership Foundation's Aurora Programme. She is a reviewer for The Contemporary Nurse Journal and a book reviewer for Palgrave Macmillan. She blogs at JuneinHE.wordpress.com and can be found on Twitter on @JuneinHE June has completed the Higher Education Leadership Foundation's Top Management Programme and in 2011 completed the CASE study tour of Canada, looking at Advancement and Alumni Relations practise in universities in and around Toronto, Ontario. In 2013 she was a participant in the Women's Leadership Forum at Harvard Business School. She is currently serving on a two year Lancet Commission on Nursing in the UK.

Inducing Lactation is a natural way that helps women in reducing their symptoms during menopause. The process involves stimulating one’s breasts to attempt at producing milk, which can provide some relief from the hot flashes caused by menopause due to its estrogen-like effects on body temperature regulation. An overview can be found at https://anrhouston.com/here-are-several-good-reasons-why-you-should-induce-lactation-during-menopause/
Women who choose this alternative method for relieving the intense symptoms of menopause are not only benefiting their physical health but also reducing stress and anxiety levels, as it can be emotionally overwhelming to go through such significant life changes. Inducing Lactation requires discipline in maintaining a strict milk-producing diet, regular exercise regime, and other factors. More information can be found at https://lactation.wiki/wiki/Inducing_Lactation_Resources

I’m 40 I had my first symptom at 36 , vertigo and dizziness when getting my cycle ,I thought I had something neurological wrong with me or something life threatening,then I got covid and was even more menopausal for some reason , I was diagnosed with adenomyosis at 38 and had a hysterectomy at 39 catapulting me into even more of a menopausal state although they kept my ovaries intact, the last year after the hysterectomy I have been left to rot , my anxiety is through the roof , panic attacks come randomly, I’m chronically fatigued and dizzy and my head feels so fuzzy and heavy somedays I feel like I will pass out ,or that I’m about to imminently die , the hot flushes I can cope with , the tiredness I can cope with , the lack of joy and loosing that fire in my belly I can cope with , but the feeling of pressure in my head and the unsteadiness and uncomfortablenesses of being in my body , the feeling that I’m leaving my body is scary , my health anxiety is insane !!! I just have to go to a dr surgery (even if it’s for my kids ) and my blood pressure is through the roof , I have endometriosis in my diaphragm that keeps growing I’m in pain and breathless , gallbladder and neck , shoulder pain that’s cyclical ( usually on right side is strong indicator of endometriosis in diaphragm) I get left hand pain too near my heart ( can’t even go there yet the worry is too much )and I’m s’due an operation and I just can’t do it , I’m so broken at times. I don’t want hrt , I don’t trust Drs to get it right , I suffer with migraines too just to top it all off , all I can think is one day I’ll be ok , one day I will feel back in my body and peaceful , I take magnesium, ashwaganda, and practice breathing and tapping , I try vegus nerve exercise etc some days I feel ok , most days I push through , some days I’m incapacitated , there’s many more symptoms, my boys are supportive I’m very vocal about it , my husband struggles but is supportive, he pains to see me pained , I havent worked in 4 years , external family members do not understand, and are uneducated and insulting , pure ignorance what a treat for them they can be so ignorant, shockingly I get this mostly from older women in the family !!! I want my life back , I want to work I want a full life , but just being a mum and cooking and cleaning and making sure they are all ok and that I’m ok is all I have in me right now x

I was having pre menopausal symptoms in my late 40’s and am now 55. I am surprised to hear so many women who are going thru this alone and not having anyone to talk to about it. I guess I was lucky my mother told me about menopause when I was pre menopausal and we talked about what I was experiencing and what she went thru. We both see the same female Dr for check ups because she is very nice and very wise I started taking the same medication my mom took to help her overly emotional days, she cried alot over little things and I got very angry about little things and I woke up feeling angry about life and how stupid and pointless everything was. I would suggest if you have a regular Dr you see to ask them what the options are to help with menopause symptoms. The medication I was prescribed helped me so much after so many days of taking it I actually woke up early and felt happy and positive about my day I was actually looking forward to having some coffee and doing dishes, no more crazy angry rants over silly things.

Hi there
My symptoms are mood swings very bad ones I’m on an antidepressant… was your medication HRT ? Or something else … I know there are different makes of hrt so I think I need to change my one ..,
Ide be interested in knowing what medication helped u if u didn’t mind disclosing this info x

Hi there
My symptoms are mood swings very bad ones I’m on an antidepressant… was your medication HRT ? Or something else … I know there are different makes of hrt so I think I need to change my one ..,
Ide be interested in knowing what medication helped u if u didn’t mind disclosing this info x

Wow, I feel the exact same way! Can you share the meds you were prescribed just for information?

I’m on fire after I take my hormones replacement pill does anyone esle do this at 57 after having everything take out at the age 21.?? PLease help me I’m going carzy with this.

In 2015 I had a complete hysterectomy I’m 57 now and I was told if I didn’t go through menopause right then I wouldn’t go through it.but now that I’ve turned 57 I’ve seen changes I cry all the time I think my family rather not be around me I think my boyfriend doesn’t want me.i sweat alot.have headaches can’t sleep I’m angry at times.dont know if this is premenopausal or what

hi last night i got very sick im a know astamatic and heart patient so we had sex and i jus couldn’t breathe i took prednisone i had to use the nebulizer it took me an hour to com right please help me

Ho I’ve been suffering with upper abdominal pain almost like period pain but it just aches all day long. Has anyone experienced this because it’s making me so anxious.. ??

It is true we ladies should speak a bit more about this stuff mums should also tell there daughters a bit later on in life
I was bleeding almost nonstop for 6 months ended up with life with threatening anaemia my heart was pounding out of my chest and another week I might not have been here i went to the doctors several times and they only attended me when it got urgent I had a blood transfusion and 2 iron infusions I am usually fit and healthy
I do think covid has exacerbated the situation along with stress and then so tired it was difficult to eat much
It was scary and painful my partner walked out on me, I was moving house amongst a million other things I am now on provera and had and ecg scans all sorts of test and a few more to go
I really feel for all us ladies suffering all this and hope more awareness becomes available good luck to everyone suffering out there xx

I feel like I am a failure. Like I have been displaced. My waist line resembles Tweedledum or Tweedledee ( possibly both) and I keep crying. Blubbering around like a whale. I have been through hot flashes and sweats and itchy skin, then the weird periods, and now, I am on dizzy and forgetful and sex?? I vaguely recall the sensual Women I was, now I feel like a girth. A big elasticated pair of beige girthness who has wind both ends and no interest in any thing apart from googling ‘ awful menopause symptoms ‘. It’s like Alice in Wonderland except even the Mad Hatter appears more socially correct and together and lucid. ( Apologies to Lewis Carroll for using my menopause as a comparison to his masterpiece) Meanwhile will now wonder off and forget what it was I wandered off for..

Thank you for sharing your story anxiety and ocd are my worse symptoms as of now.It seems like we go in stages with our symptoms.It feels like I get rid of one here comes another one.I didn’t know that postmenopause would be this hard.It feels good to know that I’m not alone.

Your description is how I feel, I can relate, my problem I work, they say they understand but don’t

Yes, we do need to start speaking out. For the last 10 years, I have felt lost alone, afraid and diagnosed with OCD, insomnia, severe depression, and severe anxiety. Those diagnosis were taken directly off of my moods and behaviors at the time. The older I got the worse they got a constantly live and fight for flight anger. I now have a team of doctors because of a suicide attempt I did and ended up in the hospital or now I have more doctors watching out for me. My primary doctor has stepped up and said let’s do some blood work and today I find out I am in pre-menopausal. So was it menopausal? Was menopausal what I was fighting against that I wanted to take my own life because I can’t take it anymore. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I’ve lost myself. My family has been destroyed over this. Through the years I’ve done a pill after pill that they recommended that was going to be the fix group therapy after group therapy was going to be the fix therapy after therapy was going to be the fix. Nothing fixed it. I’m hopefully for the hormonal treatments to help. To relieve some of this pain mentally physically I’m just exhausted. This is my last hope. I want to think of each and everyone of you for sharing your story today you guys gave me help. Thank you.

I’ve been thinking I was dying. The dizziness, racing heart after eating, anxiousness and the weight gain. Graarrr thanks for letting us know we are not actually dying. I was scared.

Dear Ladies…. I am experiencing severe fatigue, dizziness and muscle weakness. This us new to me.Had my bloods dine, confirmed very low estrogen level.
I also have tremors. Does anyone have these symptoms. I feel like Inlostbout on 3 weeks of my life.

I am having the same experiences, quite bebilitating to be honest. The feeling of am I going to faint or am I not has really knocked me for a sixer. I had a hysterectomy Feb 2020. I’m now on HRT Estradot patches have been for 6 days. Still early days to know if they are starting to help.

I am not sure where to make a general comment, so sorry Janine, but you are the luck one that I am replying to.
I just found this site, and Holy Moly do I wish I found it years ago. I am 53 and post menopausal, started peri at age 45. I feel like my world has completely changed. I feel as though I am looking at myself from outside. So much has happened in the last few years that I don’t know what I am doing here on earth or who I am anymore. I have been sick for so many years that I don’t leave the house anymore. I look so different and I am paranoid, it even makes it worse to go in public. Fortunately, I work from home as well or I would really be broke. I have become a hermit. I feel like I just exist. I complain constantly to the point I can’t stand myself. I go from one pain to another pain literally, everybody is tired of listening to me and I sure don’t blame them. Just thinking of writing everything here from when perimenopause started till now wears me out. I can’t do it.

Laura,
I can understand you completely. I am going through some of the same issues. I have a hard time leaving my house. Is the illness because of menopause?

Wow! All I can say is that I’m so sorry your feeling this way but reading your post was like I wrote it myself! I feel exactly everything you do except for the work at home. I don’t have a job right now. My aunt is helping me financially. I’m 52. Started peri- menopause at 45 and my life took a 360 turn!! I don’t even know who I am anymore. Been on HRt for awhile and it helps with some things but I’ve completely lost all motivation for anything. I wish I could be the old Susie. Thank you for sharing your story.

I read your story and I feel the exact same way! Started peri at 45 I’m 52 now & in full blown menopause! My life hasn’t been the same since I was 45. Everything about my body inside & out has changed. I’m on HRT and it’s helped a bit but I just want my old self back again. I don’t work right now. I had a job for almost 20 years. My aunt helps me financially. I want the old me back so I can work again. Thank you for sharing yr story.

Is vomiting, diarrhea,not being able to eat for days perhaps signs or part of menopause?

same with me,I am 67 and I suffer for 20 years.Some days I feel ok,then it stars again,pain in my joints,headaches,I am angry,terrible tired,heartburn etc.And nobody understand me…

Hi I am 67 also and I am having the dry itch skin . I am angry over the smallest thing I like to be alone I thought I was done at my age but things keep coming up

My blood work shows normal. But I have all symptoms of menopause. Plus now I haven’t had a regular period since October. Then on January I started spotting off and on . Still doing it . It will stop for a few days then start again . It’s very light spotting but driving me nuts cause I can’t get any answers from doctor,s because my blood work , pelvic ultrasound all normal. What can I do?

Wow Susie. You should have your own blog. Some great testimony here, even if I don’t agree with all of it. Thanks for the insight into your journey and helping me personally feel like I’m not alone.

Christina Schultz are you still getting the tremors and dizziness and muscle weakness?

I am 46. I am married with 1 Son who is 18 this year. I have no past health issues save for anxiety. Anxiety runs deep in our family, however until I tried Birth Control in 2005, I wasn’t afflicted by anxiety. I was 30 and had a two year old. No postpartum.

I had Anxiety come on in 2005 after trying out Depo Provera. It appeared within 3 months. I went to a doctor. Who told me It was a side effect of the Depo and I should take some anti depression meds to stabilize it. He gave me Zoloft. Not long after this I went downhill. I called the pharmacy and told them what was happening and they said “you need more”. I did not agree. I quit cold turkey and went back to normal anxiety. I went through side effects of the Zoloft for 2 years and then it all tapered off. So around 2008 or so, life was back to normal. No Depo. No Zoloft. Horrible stuff. Horrible.
Previous to this, nothing. Always healthy. Worked 70 hours a week. Traveled every weekend. Healthy social life ect..I had not been on BC prior in life. No health ailments.

Fast forward to May 2019. I had my first skipped period. I blew it off as stress. Then few months later another skipped. This went on and became normal for me.

July 2020. I had my first night of not being able to sleep. Then another. And another. 3-4 hours sleep in total. Getting bad. I would nap sometimes in the day to catch up. This is when the intrusive thoughts started. And the skin / body electrification. Oh it was so so bad.

Sept 2020 I decided it wasn’t going to resolve itself. So, I started reading online. I read a lot. And it was another month before I realized this was probably menopause related. Peri/or Menopause. Either way I figured I should go in this direction. There was one article about a women who referred t it as a “derangement”. I concur wholeheartedly. Additionally, Patient.info menopause forum, has outstanding support for women in the transition. This forum has so many amazing honest posts. It has saved me. In all ways you can be saved during this time. Has been my life support.

I already had Magnesium, as I keep it around for daily use. My husband already uses Melatonin so that was in the house. I had a lot of the supplements needed as we keep them avail as we make our own drinks daily. Few things I had to buy though.

But what I really needed was solid information about not just “menopause” but these horrible horrible things happening that weren’t in the 1 paragraph web pages that have zero depth. They were Just summaries of the most common things. While helpful in some respects didn’t go into enough detail to make a difference.

My first step in looking for this. Was finding patient.info forums. I had no idea I was not the only one, like others on here. It is a travesty that it so well hidden. How many women go through this that feel the same way. I have read so many of the posts on here, and all the comments of every one I read. One was around 200 comments and I read them all. Written By Jennifer. 6 years ago. I remember that first day I found this forum. I was on it. all. day. Just reading. And reading. By the end of the day, it was the first relief I had felt in months.

I ordered a few of the recommended new reading books off amazon, and while helpful were mostly just about supplements that I already have, and things I already do. However I did feel I needed to read more on the application as this would need to be adjusted according to need.

I decided to start with cream. I went through trial and error with this as I moved from Sept-Feb 2021. Tried different brands, and types. I started with Progest, then later added estro, and tried different amounts, kept a journal so I could know what was working and what wasn’t.

There were days I went 30 minutes of well being by 30 minutes. I told one of my friends “you know how at alcohol anonymous they say Day By Day?” She said “yeah”. I said “this is minute by minute”.
About May 2021 I had finally figured out the right combo and amount for me. As everyone is different. I figured out that if I have only Progest without Estro, it brings depression, if I have estro without progest, it brings anxiety, if have both together I am pretty much stable. Also ,during part of the month I need more of both and during part of the month I dial it back as I need less. If I feel the anxiety getting to high, I dial back the Estro, and vice versa for the Progest. It feels like a moving target, but at least I have some arrows.

I take breaks in my supplements during the month as well, although I take my melatonin every single night no excuses. I cant ever not sleep like that again. During the 2 days before my period is to come (normal days) even with the melatonin, I take a really long time getting to sleep.

My husband takes 2ml (we use the liquid) each night. My need is 3.25ml. I started at .5 and worked my up increasing every night until I found my need. Prior to this coming on I had zero need for melatonin. Ever.

I have a light box I bought. I use this as needed. I drink turmeric. This has been a great mood elevator for me. I keep the spice and sprinkle it liberally into some water, stir and drink down. Taste terrible. But it helps. I keep Aspirin at the ready for heart palps, and will lye down flat, take one, and elevate my feet during these instances. Until they abate. Then continue with my day.

I also started adding in way more meat to my diet. But I needed clean meat. I found a farm on the other side of the country that raises on site and will ship meat orders. 2 days. On ice. I place my order at the beginning of the month and then part it out and freeze it in individual packages that I then make meals with. This has been very helpful for memory.

Ok, so the electrification. So I started thinking about it when it first came on. What was I doing? How was I sitting? Were my pants too tight at the waist? Standing? Ect. How was I to assess this?

Well, to examine this I had to also examine the fact that I am electrically sensitive. I have been all my life, well before the advent of smart meters and cell phones. Well before I knew what it was. I can only explain it as I would feel un-grounded at times. Like I need to touch some wood or the sand outside, to release the charge. It’s what I have always done in the past to get rid of whatever electrical I have picked up or felt I was overburdened with. So, after it didn’t go away, that’s what I did. And this was my experiment with this.

After a few nights of this I was getting to where I just felt like I was overflowing with electricity. Pulsating even. So I had to do something. So I went outside one morning in bare feet and stood in the earth. I pulled my shirt up to expose my belly and took my fingers and started running them gently in circles as I stood outside. The energy starts flowing out and down through my toes. My first time doing this took nearly an hour to what I now call discharge.

Eventually I got myself a chair. It was going to be a while doing this. After an hour it was mostly gone, and I could feel the last little bits discharge and flow out as it twinges on the way out the bottom of my foot. I thought omg this is horrible I cant expect to do this every day. But, I had narrowed it down to being electric charge.

So I got a piece of flat cut wood, birchwood, it was smooth and a small one, and started sleeping with it between my calves at night, as this is a grounding agent also and will discharge as well as the earth. This worked . I did this for many nights and now I could sleep and not wake up in the morning filled with this charge.

I bought a book that was published in 1909. The title is The Abdominal and Pelvic Brain With Automatic Visceral Ganglia. Written by Byron Robinson MD. He was a Gynecologist, and was married to a Gynecologist. I purchased it off of Alibris Books, this is a worldwide bookseller. It is a reprint, but it is unabridged. It has been a most valuable tool. Most valuable. The chapter specifically relating to menopause is amazing. Why the present day doctors don’t use this information is astounding.

There are specifics that relate to our change that revolve around our Pelvic Brain. There are current references to the Gut-Brain connection out there, they are just far and few between and not very detailed. The changes described in detail, at length, in this book outline why this occurs. Lost to modern doctors I guess. The mental changes we all have, are also outlined in this book, and details of patients he had that also had intrusive thoughts, depression(they called it melancholy) and anxiety ect.. are all there. And were there over 100 years ago as documented.

Our insides are literally re-organizing themselves, as part of us is dying. Our neural network, for females, flows though these organs, and when they die, our bodies have to shift our pathways. Think of it like a highway that everyone has traveled on for many many years. Then the highway is closed, and a new road is built and we have to go a new way on a new road. Construction takes time for this to happen, each block for the overpasses, and pavement for the road has to be laid down. That is what our bodies are doing through this. So it is a bumpy ride over the dirt and rock and gravel during construction when going to and fro. This is most likely the cause of the electric charge some of us get. It could be something that needs to happen in order to correctly re-position.

Through this shift, we suffer while the new road is being built. Our bodies have known this is how we function since puberty. There is a section on this as well. It covers how it is easier moving into puberty than moving out of menstruation concluding in menopause, as puberty is a natural transition upwards. A natural graduation. And moving through to menopause, it is full stop. It also goes into how if we have a rough puberty, menopause will be rough as well.

I try and pay very close attention to cause and effect. Because there is always causal relationships with health.

I don’t do doctors. I haven’t in a long time. 100 years ago and prior, people who treated patients were referred to as physicians. To understand what a doctor is, we must understand a doctor isn’t.

The Textbook definition of a doctor differs greatly from that of a physician.

Textbook definition of a Doctor is listed as: 1. A person who is licensed to practice medicine and has trained at a school of medicine, chiropractic, optometry, podiatry, dentistry, or veterinary medicine. 2. A practitioner of alternative medicine or folk medicine who does not have traditional medical credentials. 3. A person who has earned the highest academic degree, usually a PhD, awarded by a college or university in a specified discipline. (This version is not required to take the hundreds year old standard
Hippocratic Oath. Most do not)

Textbook Definition of a Physician is listed as: 1. A person trained and licensed to practice medicine; a medical doctor. 2. A person who heals or exerts a healing influence. 3. One who practices the art of healing disease and of preserving health; a prescriber of remedies for sickness and disease; specifically, a person licensed by some competent authority, such as a medical college, to treat diseases and pre scribe remedies for them; a doctor; a medical man. (This Version was required to take the Hippocratic Oath. All did so if they wanted to practice.)

There is a huge disconnect in the medical world we live in. Doctors, today are trained in medical school with curriculum paid for and endorsed by the pharmaceutical industry. The primary objective is to assess what drug to prescribe based on the listed patient complaint. In as little time possible and to bill for as much as possible so the Group survives.

Most appointments revolve around or in Groups. And are billed by the minute. A person is lucky to get 5 minutes. And 5 minutes wont cut it. In that 5 minutes if they don’t feel they can adequately assess they refer you out. They pass people around a wheel, each passing the patient to the next doctor because there just isn’t enough time in the day to really listen and consider. The major shift for this can be dated to the early 1980s when HMOs came on the scene. However, it was slowly moving into place in the decades prior.

They must survive to go to work another day. So they can pay for their enormous debt they incur going to medical school. They have to survive, as they are people too, with bills of their own. I don’t blame them. They are on the wheel too. I imagine most go into it with the best intentions, but then the reality of the hamster wheel sets in.

As well, today’s medical professionals aren’t taught the same fundamentals of health as previous generations. They are taught what to prescribe for the immediate complaint. As long as the motivation is based in profit, the patient will continue to be the last priority.

Secondly, most doctors graduating medical school today no longer swear to the Hippocratic Oath. They need only draft their own oath, according to how they feel and apply it. There is a reason the oath was put forth as the defacto standard by which all physicians must practice, because without it breeds corruption, contempt, and conflict of interest. And that is what we see happening today as a direct result of its abandonment. https://www.nlm.nih.gov/hmd/greek/greek_oath.html

My first book I read on the subject, I read in 2005, was Selling Sickness by Ray Moynihan Phd, who is a journalist, academic researcher, and Assistant Professor at Bond University in Australia and David Henry, professor of clinical pharmacology for Iona Heath. It was in this book, years before I hit this, I read a detailed chapter on how menopause is now marketed into an illness, rather than a natural life progression.

I want to know what doctors have to say, just not in today’s medical industry. So I have always gone further back when researching things. Dental, I have studied a lot of Weston A Prices work from around the turn of the century, Nutrition and Physical Degeneration. Amazing man. Amazing research. Health, I have bought and read a lot of books from around the turn of the century when studying this as well. My first book on this was Starving America written by Alfred McCann 1913. Well written and brilliant. He details the beginning of the food industry as it started changing from wholesome food to factory food and all the ills that he began documenting coming with it. I couldn’t put it down. These insights, of these people who were actually interested in their patients success, are what I value. I have no interest I being a patient for life. I prefer to live, not merely exist. And I prefer it to be on my terms.

We are all taught, from a very early age, that we are not responsible for our own health. Our heath is the responsibility of a “professional” in the “healthcare” industry. We are not taught to even consider this an option. In fact, it is highly frowned upon today to contemplate such things. Sometimes we are so far down the rabbit hole, we can’t help ourselves at that moment. But that does not take away from the fact that we got that way by handing over the most dearest of choices and decisions to those deemed to be the keepers of general health. If we were brought up to prioritize our own well being, early on, we would not be searching for just a shred of information on the hour of our worst nightmare. We would already know, if not expect it. And we would be somewhat prepared.

Presently, the healthcare system functions with a one size fits all approach. And little to zero accountability. The problem with this is no one person is physiologically the same to another. Some have deficiencies that need to be addressed as well as the issue at hand, ect.. Thus a one size fits all is not applicable in most if not all cases. That needs to change. The approach needs to change. We need to stop classifying normal life events as illness and treat them as expected life experiences. We need to stop letting the pharmaceutical industry teach the doctors. This is a conflict of interest on its very face.

I have zero interest in leaving my health up to the current system in place to figure out for me. First and foremost, this is not a disease, it is a natural life progression. That is why there is no cure. We must all progress through it eventually.

Our symptoms are not individual symptoms, they are all part of the change as a whole. Currently, they are treated as a disease, and further, as separate instances of disease. I think this contributes greatly to Health Anxiety at its base. While the case can be made for some who legitimately have some separate issues alongside the progression, if there was a statistical encompassing study that was run over say a 20 year span, I think it would overwhelmingly be determined that those people would be the exception to the rule. Not the rule itself.

I don’t join things. Not a joiner. I am an observer and studier. But I wanted to thank you all. Without places like this I don’t know that I would have come this far, and some days maybe not of made it through at all. My grandmother died 10 years ago, and I don’t have a mother. My maternal side of the family is all overseas as my grandmother was an immigrant. My only sibling is an unmarried brother. As well, none of my friends have hit this yet. My fathers mother died in 2000. I have no paternal aunts only uncles. So I truly have zero familial maternal resources. My husband is amazing.

My last period was in July 2021, going on 6 months now.

You are the best. group of people. I have ever come across. Thank You!!!

Wow, Ruth! Thank you for so much powerful information. I shall look to purchase your book recommendations. I’m 46 and have been perimenopausal for several years but recently my symptoms have stepped up and I feel extremely out of sorts. I haven’t had a period for almost 2 months now which is the longest time so far. I happened to come across this post and thread in my search for answers. I am so grateful to have stumbled upon this valuable resource! I’m sure I’ll be coming back to it again and again! Thanks Ruth! Lucy

Hi im 45 years old no menstruation for 2 months. Im on severe insomia i can’t sleep well for almost 3 weeks doctors gave me lorazepam for anxiety i developed ringing which i dont experience before in my life
There are days that I’m going to go crazy
Ob GYN dont entertain me whenever i brought up about perimenopausal symptoms she said that im only have anxiety . I dont know what to do
I dont want to continue my lorazepam
But i can’t sleep without taking it
What is happening to me please help

I dont want to go to doctors anymore
They kept me coming back and issue another meds

Susana you are probably perimenopausal. You can try to find a hormone replacement therapy doctor. Best hormones are bio identical. I’ve also found this journey a challenge. I’m now on estradiol patches (estrogen) and utrogestan (progesterone). I take the utrogestan vaginally to stop the depressive symptoms. There is a magnesium formula by pacific health called magtaur xcell, which could help with your insomnia it’s Amazing. It has a bit of taurine for low mood but also the magnesium helps sleep. There are B vitamins it it too. Good luck. You can do this!

Wow, I am only 36 as of December 2022, and have recently started to notice things that I would consider unusual about myself and my body…. But I have to say, your passion and in depth comment made a significant difference in the way I was feeling about all of this. I would give you a huge hug if I could! I can’t even put it into words how relieved I am or how much more confident I am after having read your statement. Thank you enough, I cannot.
But thank you

Oh my goodness Ruth, I’m sat here crying with relief that I’ve found you! I read all the other comments and they’re great and sharing, thank you each of you. But you feel exactly the same way as me about this natural process of life and the same about our current GP pharmaceutical situation and you reminded me that the intense fear I’m feeling about my mind and body feeling like it’s not mine, is because the information I’ve been desperate to find to support me through this phase, hasn’t been there! I have let go of the tension in my body for the first time in years, and I can’t thank you enough for that release.
Feeling like you’re going to burst with overwhelm, anxiety, lack lustre response to life is just awful. I too have struggled with anxiety forever, anxiety is so all consuming with its ‘what if’ fear nagging in my ear, holding me back from living a full life. Don’t get me wrong, I have 3 daughters, a full time job, I teach yoga, but outside of those things, I’m generally questioning what if I feel anxious any time it comes to doing something different.
You’ve helped me connect to myself again, trust that it is a natural process, that I can go through this, I’ve not tried any hormonal creams etc yet, I’ve been the health food shop customer and rattle with supplements that really aren’t helping! I don’t know where to start to get the holistic support I crave?
I, like anyone on here, am just looking to wake up and feel connected to myself and those around me, to feel grounded, confident, able to laugh, enthusiastic, healthy, able and dare I say it… happy?!… thank you Ruth, I’m not a sharer either, bringing me out in hives just writing this, but your note has really resonated with me, I’m aware that I’m actually sad and grieving my old body and need to open to flowing into the new one! Here’s to the fear, anxiety, bumps and all!xx

Dear Ruth,

Ii am writing this 2 years after you wrote your incredible comment regarding your journey and research.

Thank you so much for sharing your life, it’s literally mind blowing and also so well written and comforting. I too believe in my own health and gut instinct about my own body.

I am currently trying to fathom out my own main meno problem, that is extreme period pain with no period, extreme bloating, we joke at work “I’ve got the Dinosaur Kids pregnancy” I gets massive, like a man with a massive beer bloat gut and no waist – when it all disappears (usually 2 weeks) I look and feel normal again. I’ve been tested for cysts, the bloods etc come back neg, but I have had 6 seperate occasions in my life of 3.5 inch diameter one’s but I was told these weren’t big enough (!) When they burst I’d throw up for two days and the period would be nasty.

My theory, it’s high carbs doing this to me, I don’t eat loads but insulin sensitive people get worse from comsuming one French Fancy, sadly ! It can tip the balance into cyst-ville.

Having enjoyed 68 days beforehand, with no period and no poly-cystic symptoms, I find it easy to forget I ever had cysts and period pain because i feel happy in those days 🙏🏻. I now feel, as I write, it would be an idea to write reminders in my diary on my phone “Sugar gives you Dino babies and remember what cysts feel like”!

With best wishes
Suzanne

Hi Ruth, you are not alone. I am still having a bit of spotting once every 50 to 60 days, but I am feeling the same way as all these woman I now know it’s not just me as well.
Stay strong beautiful woman!
My name is Tammy and I’m 52 going on 70 it feels like. Wishing you all the strength to make it through however long it takes🤗🙌
GIRL POWER!!!

Thank you June for your blog. It is quite frustrating to discover very little reliable and comprehensive information available about female health. I found perimenopausal anxiety so intense, it robbed my confidence and ability to cope with work. It amazes me how my doctor took the seriousness of that so lightly, that someone can be debilitated to the point that you can’t work full time but have become part time casual. I don’t suffer anxiety as intensely now but my confidence is shot. The worst part about menopause, for me, is the sleepless nights and night sweats. Painful sex and the discomfort of a dry vagina are also no joke. I wont list any more of the indignities as you’ve mentioned them and so have numerous others in their comments. Sisters, you are not alone. Eat well. Take supplements like vitamin D for bones and mental health, fish oil, a really top notch vitamin B and minerals. Exercise. Enjoy the sunshine. Love yourself. Care for yourself. We can do this! X

Chez there is a vaginal estrogen cream called ovisten. You apply a tiny amount 2x a week (works a treat for lubrication). Good luck!

I am not sure how I feel about finding this information. Maybe today is just a really bad day. I guess I am comforted that many women feel the same things that I feel. Also feeling really sad that so many of us struggle and there is not much help out there. I feel that if menopause affected men, there would be a cure by now. But it affects women and has been so overlooked for decades, centuries, forever…

Hi ladies, my name is samantha, (sam), looking at all the comments, wow what a nightmare we are all going through. I started the menopause at 39, 40, it truly was horrendous, mood swings, weight gain, and the hot flashing, I had two fans in my bedroom also dreaded the hot summer days, I tried HRT, but it was not for me at all, then once I turned 50 years old they stopped I lost all of the weight it was amazing, now I’m 54, it’s all started once again! I truly can’t believe it, my doctor it no good at all I’m now researching help from American doctors, as for some reason here in the UK, they have no answers for us, yet in America you can have a hormone check and they help, once I have found out anything to help us I shall report to us all suffering lady’s, .
Kind regards samantha. Fingers crossed lady’s.

I just turned 46 a few days ago. I have been having the perimenopausal symptoms since I was about 35 or 36. Began with mood swings and a missed period here and there. couple of hot “episodes” (nothing like flashes). About 4 years ago the flashes came at night, causing sweating, which interrupted sleep only. I remember saying, ” The hot flashes aren’t bad, but sweating at night and throwing off the covers, only to instantly be freezing is what I don’t like!”. Then the mood swings started shortly after. Ok somewhat, but then waking up crying, wondering why? then my daily routine was wake up angry with my boyfriend next to me. sitting up, to start crying??? All the while my boyfriend is sitting there wondering….. what the hell did I do? To “what’s wrong, are you ok, why are you crying???” All I can do is look at him and say “I don’t know!!!” back story…. I have two grown, independant self sufficient young men for sons! My 26 year old is starting his PHD program this year, and his brother 23 is just out of the Marine Corp this last year, and has a great career. So my answer to people around me who ask…. “Why/ How are you always so happy and positive?”……. I have the most awesome boys, they are my motivation. I honestly can’t say I have a reason to be unhappy!!” I left my husband of 17 years about 6 years ago. I am making financially sound decisions with my income. So now in the past 10-12 months I’ve been slowly developing anxiety to the point where i don’t want to leave the house. As soon as I start getting ready, and I get anxious and feel scared. the faster I can get myself ready and out the door , the easier it is. But, if I linger or procrastinate I become VERY nervous and jittery. some parts of the month my acne get’s so bad, also no appetite, I am hungry sometimes, but when I begin to eat I can only take a few bites. I have NEVER been so stuck. It’s starting to interfere with my boyfriend. It seems worse when I am going somewhere with him. I haven’t gone to the doctor. I am not wanting to take any pills, supplements, and not up for expensive hormone treatments. I have tentavly used essential oils, diffused, and topical, but not consistent enough to be effective, as I am not good at staying consistent with vitamins, beauty regimens.. … . At this point, after the last 3 WORST days I have EVER experienced in my life! I had the most INTENSE hot flashes that went through my ENTIRE body, pouring sweat, until I think I’m going to spontaneously combust, then freezing to the point of needing 2 heavy blankets to stop shivering. I can’t STAND how my body feels at all, like having the chills all day! I am at WAR with my body, and I want to be friends again! I am willing to try SOMETHING! before I loose the best job I’ve ever had! would anyone have a fairly simple completely natural idea? I don’t know where to start! and I’m exhausted!

I am the same way you are i had anixety so bad and jittery and very nervous i was ok about 5 year ago when they put a iud in my for heavy bleeding and feeling this was i told the doc i feel bad again and my anixety is everyday and all day i had to quit my job because of this all doc keeps saying is take anxiety meds i told them they make it worse they say i will give you another one im so sick of this no one wants to help me now im afraid to go out because on how i feel i ask them dont you think the iud wore off because its over 5 years they said i dought it that wouldnt make you have anixety so bad but i keep reading how alot of people have anixety when there going through the change i havnt spotted since nov but with an iud i havnt realy bleed maybe spotting one in a while so how would they no if im going through it or not im so sick of every doc just saying you need anxiety pills i dont no what to do

Debbie, I am 62 and 8 years post menopause. I hear the same frustration with doctors in your words that I experienced. I want you to know there is hope out there, so please don’t give up. After 5 years and 3 doctors telling me I just have to accept my symptoms and there is nothing I can do, I finally got help. I found a Functional Medicine doctor specializing in female hormonal treatment. My first appt I was just a basket case, crying & full of anxiety describing my symptoms and experiences. She listened and responded with, “I can help you.” Those 4 words were never said to me by past doctors. After a few lab tests and many questions she came up with a compounded prescription of just the right amount of estrogen, progesterone and testosterone for me. It sounds like you are not in menopause yet and I don’t want to assume your symptoms were like mine. But, I want you to know that after 6 -months my anxiety is gone and I’m off of Xanax. Going to a Functional Doctor was the best thing I have done for myself. Traditional doctors only know what they know and they don’t know anything else! Sometimes we have to look elsewhere. Good luck and lots of love to you.

What is a Functional Dr. and I’m 51 postmenopausal and is having a hard time.I can’t even eat one piece of candy without having a hot flash this is not normal Dr. said I’m not prediabetes this not normal.The crying and anxiety is thru the roof I’m so tired of going this.

Long story how I stumbled across this. Find a good lavender and lemongrass tea. Sip around the clock. It has improved my symptoms tremendously!

Your story has really hot home with me so I wanted to reach out and hope you are in a better place and not alone with what you’ve experienced. I just turned 50, been in the perimenapause stage for 6 – 7 years and now worried that after missing periods for 11 months, it’s come back. Now, I keep hearing I should be concerned because it’s been almost a year and this could be a bad sign.
I too have went back and forth with hot flashes, all types of different cycles. A hot inner radiating flush then soakers and for some reason the panty line area that no one speaks of. Some got flash cycles have been every half hr to hour all day/ all night. I keep wondering how I can keep sane without a proper sleep. Like you, which was the 1st time I’ve heard someone say, I wake up at times with what I would call a night terror. I wake up suddenly with a scream, or feeling of doom or crying like I just lost someone. I felt embarrassed at work so I tried to hide my symptoms as to not appear old and obsolete or too emotional to do my job. I don’t want hormone replacent since there are so many side effects and have made it through this far so what another ? years.
So thank you for your personal story because it’s helped me now know that my situation isn’t just me and it isn’t so scary once your understood.

Hi my name is toni
I have been going through menopause a few yrs now and the heat on my back is a lil worse and I have pains on each side of my neck I went through the sweating in bed at night like a yr ago it’s crazy I’m totally over this menopause I asked my doctor if there was anything I could take and I was told there’s so much a chance it could give me cancer.

It just isn’t true that there is a high risk of cancer unless you are in a specific population, and if you are there are other options that can help. Keep looking until you find a doctor that has current information and isn’t stuck in the past. You don’t have to suffer.

This has been really interesting. I went through menopause at 38 years (am now 51) and was really happy as I found what I suffered with menopause a hundred times less than what I suffered monthly for years with my menstrual cycle. I was also diagnosed with hypothyroidism during this period so the symptoms are confounded! The brain fog, the sweating and the weight issues are awful and no one has ever been helpful regarding these and so I have had to make it up as I go. I did some literature searching over the years but found most articles were written purely from a clinical academic viewpoint and activities of daily living or quality of life was not really addressed. I have not done any research in years so hopefully this has changed.

It’s not perfect, but I have been doing better with a supplement I get at Costco, Estroven Complete. It’s not hormonal. I am in the US, however, and I cannot take hormones due to a history of blood clots and a family history of hormone-fed breast cancer. I find I cannot take the med nightly, as directed, because it makes my breasts sore just like pregnancy did.

I hope you all find help and get what you need!

Hello ladies, I’m Van.
Firstly I’ll start by saying Thankyou June for starting the thread. I’ve found it so helpful.
Also Thanking all ladies for sharing your stories, it has helped somewhat knowing I’m not alone. I am now on a waiting list to see a specialist at a private hospital (GP referral) on 20th May after an ambulance came out for me in the early hours of this morning. I was on the phone to the out of hours doctor and while I was explaining to him that I feel ill with it and I was being sick, I actually fainted while on the phone to him and woke to the paramedics knocking at my door. They said they had never seen symptoms as bad as mine and questioned whether it was the menopause. I haven’t had a period since Sept 2020 and in November I started to sweat profusely. It can be seen by all as it just runs down my face, I’m literally wet through from head to toe, my clothes are wringing wet, I used to change approx 15-20 times a day/night and more sometimes until I’m constantly washing so I’m now sat in wet clothes constantly. I’ve resorted to using a hair dryer to try dry me but it doesn’t stop running down me for about 20 mins but while I’m trying, it keeps me warm as after the flush, I start to freeze. Last night I was constantly sweating for 1hr 5mins! I’m feeling suicidal with it, it’s debilitating, I cannot do housework as it makes the hot flushes worse, in fact anything I do makes it worse so I’m sat on a chair at my kitchen table with towels under my clothes and my clothing is still wet. It’s been 6 months with a 2 week break when it stopped all of a sudden and then started up again. I’ve lost so much weight as I weighed 6st 10lbs in March from being 7st 11lbs in November. I’m only 5ft 2″. God knows what I am now as I’m still losing weight, I look like skeletor! My heart races, I’m dizzy, although that has just started over the last week, I was vomiting yesterday too, then after the hot flush I’m freezing. I can’t stop crying as I’m exhausted as I can’t sleep as this comes every hour or less and I’m in more pain than I was. I had an accident 5 years ago and have to wear morphine patches for the spinal injury but with this sweating it is taking my patches off so the pain is horrendous and the GP isn’t replacing them, it’s a joke. I’m snappy with every one then regret it later. I keep explaining it’s not just a hot flush, I’m drenched and have to wear towels under my clothing to soak most of the sweat up but it’s not like the normal sweating, it doesn’t smell and feels different. 3 months ago I was given Clonidine but no effect yet. I was given 25mcg x 3 a day then a month later up to 100mcg x 3, I’m now on 150mcg x 3 a day. I spoke with my pharmacist who knows me well and she said that the dosage I’m on now is not going to work as they are mcg and not mg but you have to be slowly increased as they use this medication to lower blood pressure so a higher dose straight off would probably make you faint. They could have increased them faster than they have though, if I didn’t call the Doctors then I’d still be on 25mcg so if anyone who can’t take HRT then this may be an option for you. I can’t have HRT as there is a big risk as my Mum, Dad, Grandma (Mum’s side), Grandad (Mum’s side), Uncle (Mum’s brother) have all passed away with various cancers but they still offer me it without checking until I tell them to read my notes. I’ve also been offered anti-depressants as they say they can have some effect but I know it’s not going to stop this so I won’t accept just anything although I’m very desperate. Hopefully on 20th May the hospital they’ve referred me to will be able to do something but I honestly don’t hold out much hope as what can they do?
I hope this has helped you ladies reading this, you’re NOT alone as I have found out although I do feel a little alone in the severity of it. I’ve seen relatives go through the menopause symptoms but never in my life have I seen anyone like me. I will come back to let you know what the specialist says and hopefully it will help others as well as myself. I do think there should be more research done on the menopause as we don’t seem to have many options. Maybe we could all raise more awareness somehow. Hang in there ladies, we will get through this supporting each other.

Hello Van I have just found this thread in the middle of the night, as I lay awake again with anxiety which I’ve had for most the day and started almost 2 months ago. I’ve many other symptoms beside including weak legs which I’ve never read is a side effect of the menopause. I’ve just read your post and feel so sorry you are going through all this. Some days I’m really struggling to cope but reading this with your struggle, it sounds so bad…
I can’t go on HRT and I’m at loss what to do as inside my head it’s like I’m recovering from a night out with a serious hangover..
If anyone knows what to do the managed menopause symptoms of you can’t take HRT I would love to know.. I’ve got hyperplasia so can’t take it.
I hope you get the help you need Van and would be interested to hear if you get this
Good luck and very best wishes Debra

Hi Van. Mirtazapine works as an atypical antidepressant, it’s also got a sleep aid side effect and was the best I ever tried. I also take Evening Primrose oil 1000mg daily ( from amazon – Quest brand ) and that stopped the hot flushes almost immediately. Can you change out your morphine patches to 12 hour slow release oral morphine instead, so you don’t sweat it off? Maybe you are going to need HRT just to balance everything again? Just some ideas. Sending you compassion in your suffering and hoping you are doing a bit better by now, after your appointment. Debbie.

Weak and shaky legs is a symptom of anxiety. I have experienced it many times. I’ve had anxiety all of my life. I got that under control with effexor. However depression started after going through perimenopause. I’m 49 and this has been going on for about 10 years. The last few months have been grueling. I am an emotional wreck. I have cried everyday several times a day for the past 2 months. I feel like I’m losing my mind. The bags under my eyes will not go away in my entire face is puffy from all the crying. I’ve had some of the craziest symptoms that have at times made me think I was dying. The crashing fatigue and then the days of complete exhaustion. For a while I was waking up in the morning shaking. It was like an internal vibration. I wasn’t cold or anxious or lightheaded. I thought I had Parkinson’s disease. After I got up and moved around it would subside. That went away after a couple months and hasn’t returned. Sometimes I feel completely detached. That’s probably a combination of perimenopause and anxiety.

Hello Debbie,

Thank you for sharing your experience. I have not been feeling okay for the past 1-2 months: anxiety that seems to come out of nowhere, like my head knows that I have zero reason to be anxious, but my body is in fight-flight mode all the time. My hands are shaking in the morning, then I would get an anxiety attacks that feels like someone has pushed me off a rollercoaster. This is totally new to me. I got so worried about my other symptoms (digestive issues, cold flashes, palpitations) that I had everything checked out and all results came back fine except for a huge lack of vitamin D and a high cortisol (stress hormone) level in the morning. Sometimes I cannot stop crying as I am so scared that I have a serious medical issue that the doctors might have missed, while my husband keeps telling me that it is “just” menopause. I am really considering HRT now or antidepressants, basically anything that would help me get my normal self back.

Oh crikey I have had very similar experiences the trembling scared me to death and the doctor’s just prescribed anti depressants..I’m now on HRT which seemed to help the first year but now symptoms coming back ..I now have hot flashes In my legs ??I saw one Dr who obviously hadn’t even heard of menapause but told me if I took HRT and kept having eastogen I’d be dead … thanks 👍.. unbelievable how some Dr can preach about things they don’t know enough about !!!

Hi Van i read your post and like you ive had severe symptoms also. Im 2 year post and still having symptoms. Though i must say that im better than oeri but im still struggling on most days. I had a 2 year post bleed , did biopsy it was normal. Afterward, its like peri restarted. How are you doing now? I hope you re better.

Thanks June.for the article and support for so many women here. So many women here suffering and so many comments I can totally relate to.
Let’s hope all our sharing will help.I ‘m 56 and have experienced Menopausal symptoms since about 49.I often feel anxious,scared for the future and have found it hard to find work since I left teaching last year.
Unemployment and financial worries do not help when you suffer from anxiety and the other symptoms that goes with Menopause.
Its scary when you feel alone and irritability leads to a sense of dread.I have found I have to just get out and go somewhere.Sometimes I feel scared to leave the house but I have to push myself.I have feelings that people annoy me and I feel no tolerance for some.Yoga and exercise does help and being in Nature also.

June I can’t thank you enough for this article & all ladies who’ve shared their heartbreaking stories. I turn 51 in few days & like you all have been suffering horrendous symptoms of perimenopause, since my early 40’s. I’ve lost count of the amount of Doctors I’ve been to regarding my symptoms & have also lost count of amount of money spent. In Ireland, Docs decide if a woman is going through perimenopause / menopause by blood test findings. As of now nothing is showing up in mine to indicate I’m menopausal, nevertheless I suffer dreadfully, my symptoms are all cyclical & very severe. I also was diagnosed with hypothyroidism & put on meds for 6 months, later to be told by specialist to get off meds as wasn’t bad enough to be taking them. I suffered awful nausea for 2 years, which I assumed was hormone related later to discover I had an ulcer, which is now gone, thankfully as is nausea. I was on hrt patches for 1 year but didn’t find they helped me enough to stay on them. Everything I take now is herbal, helping slightly but not enough. I have app with a doctor in women’s clinic in 2 days & hoping to start body identical hrt. I’m praying it helps with my symptoms. I’ve had very few hot flushes & night sweats but the tiredness is worst & also the depression, stress & anxiety. Awful to see so many women suffering so badly but have to say helps me knowing I’m not alone as felt I was for very long time. Thank you so much to all you lovely ladies for sharing your experiences & I really wish you all better health.

Thank you for such a comprehensive post with all the references to Cochrane reviews about alternative treatments as well. Even as a gynaecologist, I found myself struggling to apply the evidence I knew was there. When you are suffering it is easy to clutch at straws even though you know there isnt any evidence that it works. The placebo effect is very powerful and it is easy to see why there is such a huge market for so many treatments other than MHT.

im 55 female and i had a iud put in 5 years ago for the start of change because i had such heavy bleeding for a year and half everday the iud helped stopped the bleeding but in april it came on 5 years that if expired and months leading up to it ive been getting so shaky jittery and very bad anixety i tell the doc that and ask could it be from the iud wearing off no she says you just have anxiety and you need anixety pill i tried so many they made it worse i keep telling her that she said i dont no what else to do for you she said find the right physicist they find the right meds for you i dont think thats the answer i said i think its hormones doing this. I dont think the answer is anixety meds im afraid to go anywhere because i dont no how i will be

the shroud thats over menopause needs to be lifted & not laden with shame so that future generations don’t have to be walking into it basically blindly like I’ve been.
Thank You for writing this & putting it out there, sharing links and pointing in directions that aren’t along the same old, generally sexist, line.
its much appreciated!

Hello to all the women on this blog….here is my story…. since I turned 40 I began feeling night sweats….in my mid 40’s these horrible migraines to add to night sweats, breast pain and soreness. About 4 years ago out of nowhere I begun to suffer from sinus issues, congestion, nasal drainage, throat irritation.. in the last few months the nasal congestion to the point of making it a little difficult to breath, stomach issues became more often like pain even after going, tingling on one leg, poking like feeling on top of head, neck muscle discomfort, back pain, dry eyes, joint and muscle pain, some lack of sleep and since a few days ago throat itch and chest like poking discomfort. thanks to these comments I too don’t feel so uneased. I will be 50 in about 2 months.

Omg yes had all if these including the sinus issues never related them to menapause..😐

Thank you for sharing…I thought I was going crazy about the congestion but I really thought they were related. When I take pepcid ac it goes away.

At 50, going through menopause is a jab punch to the throat after having 4 children. It’s like 40 days in the desert, full of suffering to emerge changed. All I can say fellow females is MACA ROOT. Maca maca maca!!! If your Dr and body agrees. Do some research before bringing to your Dr. This time in our lives requires us to be proactive or you’ll be prescribed things… Where the cure is worse than the disease like gabapentin for god’s sake. Good luck everyone ND so glad to find this forum.

Hi. Sorry to bother you. I just wondered if you found anything to help your sinus/congestion etc in perimenopause? It’s become an issue for me and reassuring I’m not alone. Kindest regards x

hi again, following on from my previous post,I should add that iv had some good times in my life +some great
memories +I didnt think of these bad thoughts +bad people+bad happenings quite so often.I thought Iwas
coping quite well, But since meno Its almost
impossible to think of the few good times, I constantly think of the bad ,I ruminate constantly ,thinking
what I couldve done differently to prevent girls murder. Ive heard its norrmal for all meno women with bad traumas
, its normal for all those traumas ,etc, to resurface with a vengeance? Am I even normal. x

Hi. Ladies. I thought i was coping as well as can be reg my bad childhood, ie,violence,abuse,waking up ams wandering whether mumstill alive.
+reg so called friends that betrayed me +the WORST possible a normal human can experience, my teen daughter missing 6 weeks, being found
dead +ID by teeth. killed by a non human monster 14 years ago. now late meno,at age 59 +6 months was my last period.im now 61 +the last 6 months
are so horredous.suicidal thoughts on waking +how i will do it,but thinking of my son stops me.i cant do that to him. binge drinking 2-3 times wkly
(i must not do it every day,i must not let myself die,my son) binge eating at times,but fortunately i really force myself to walk/cycle at least
alternate days +ive never been overweight. SHEER PANIC ATTACKS at the level crossing,waiting to cross,people have been killed
on them .my partner nearly got knocked over twice,car stopped jus in time! HATING people in shops buses,jobsworth bus driver
nearly caused me to attack her verbally yesterday but i calmly put another £1 in the payslot after she d embarrased me by calling me over
to discuss a short fare!are some peoples lives so sad they can worry about £1? ive known apprx 8 aquaintances get killed
on roads, known 4 to kill themselves ,known several that died with cancer.im scared to get in a car for long distance.
my partner has NUMEROUS long term health probs requiring 3x weekly hosp appointments. he gets on my nerves at times
+i fantasise about living alone +shutting out the world +not seeing any1 ,but hes kind mostly. im hot flushing right now.
i cant take hrt ,had masectomy +implant oct 2020 in l breast +r breast may be at risk from non invasive cancer(DCIS)
it can spread into main tissue,.wont take antidrepressants as worried reg side effects+the 1st lot of antidi I had
after girls death ,the lady doc says yes you can drink alcohol,just means you get drunk more quicker! i only took for few
months,no difference made to me +the 2nd lot of antid i got offered 1 year ag it said clearly on packet NO ALCOHOL, so its a bit
confusing. anyway i didnt bother taking them. Theres no hope for me. thanks for reading x

Hello Matina,
We are very sorry to read that you are coping with such a lot, and we hear your anguish. You may already know about these, but here are some possible sources of support:
You can contact the Samaritans (by phone or email) here: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/ They are a listening service.
The Samaritans also have a list of various organisations that may be able to offer support or advice: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-having-difficult-time/other-sources-help/
You may also find assistance through The Compassionate Friends, which provides support for bereaved parents and families: https://www.tcf.org.uk/content/ftb-murder-or-manslaughter/ as well as Support After Murder and Manslaughter (SAMM): https://www.samm.org.uk/
Wishing you all the very best, take care.
Selena and Sarah (Editors)

Sarah – just wondering why when you post a comment it doesn’t show up? I put my initials in the name box and my email address. Don’t have a clue what the WEB box is for and then click on Post Comment.

Hi, comments have to be seen by the Editors before they are made visible, as we don’t publish comments commercial links, for example. We now have a note at the bottom of blogs to make it clear what doesn’t get published, but perhaps we should add something so it’s clear that comments won’t be visible immediately. Thanks for raising this. Hopefully you can now see yours.
Best wishes,
Sarah [Editor]

Hi I’ve just found this site after having a major melt down this morning,, feeling like I’m losing my mind,, I’m 52 years old and started getting hot flashes at 45, leaving me feeling drained but nothing I cundt handle I used the lady magnet for about 2years that did help but found that I was sticking to the kitchen sink,, my party piece was sticking spoons to it !!!!! I then went in HRT and just like that the hot flashes went ,, my body aches my joints hurt mostly my neck and shoulders and my knees crack, I sleep well thank god!! I wake about 4am in the morning worrying about everything and get anxious, I find that drinking water really helps! I get really irritated and often think I could just walk out of my job! Some weeks are fine and I feel fine, but then other times I just don’t feel me anymore I’ve put on weight but I do love my food!! But this weekend I feel like everything is coming down on me and I carnt cope having a good cry helps, I’m still having periods, but get period pains and back ache and I’m not even due on. Ive noticed I’ve started to get cramps in my stomach not sure if that’s stress! I’m just fed up dies this get any easier!